NEW newborn...the parents' life

A question from the pregnant sister...What is life like during the first weeks? In a word...HELL. And that is sugar coating it. Yes, the miracle of life is glorious, but new babies are a challenge. Even the smug mothers what say, "Johnny is such a good baby." They are either liars or insane. You first two (or one) night will be in the hospital. Nurses are great. They don't ask what kind of help you want, they just do it. They bring you food, drinks, change diapers, feed the baby (if bottle is OK). Most importantly, they know what new babies are like...they don't freak out over every cry, poopy diaper, bath, gnarley belly button. After leaving the hospital is when reality sets in...unless you can take the nurse home. If you do have help, it is crucial to set guidelines for them. If they are there to help, let them do laundry, go to the grocery store, make dinner. The mother and the father need time to rest and cozy up with the baby. Real help (during these weeks) comes in the form of errand runners and chore doers*. The helpers can cozy up with the baby when you are (finally) taking a shower. I hear you have some pretty compliant help coming your way.

*As children get older, it is important that these helpers become babysitters so you can run errands without having to kill someone. Oh, yah, and they can bond, too. :-)

I mean this in the nicest way...new mothers are really dumb. You don't have the training, and the only train available is on-the job. Consider yourself as a know-nothing. Rejoice in the fact that the learning curve is very small. I was there, too. You will second guess yourself about everything...should I change the diaper now? should I feed her now? is she too warm? is she too hot? does she have a fever? does her cord look normal? should I call the doctor? is it pneumonia or just a cold? The bad news is that there are no really good books about newborn stuff. Well, if there is one I have not seen it...and I have read MANY. The good news...you inexperience will not warp Branee in her future life.

You will be tired; you know this. But I mean the kind of tired that makes you hallucinate. You need to train yourself to fall asleep easily. Actually, not really even waking up is the best idea. It goes like this...baby cries...change diaper...feed...burp...put baby in bed...all without turning on a light* (or opening your eyes if you can manage it). Keeping the lights off (or very, very dim) will help with the baby's internal clock. Bright lights tell us, "WAKE UP." We had a 10 watt buld in Louis's room. Unfortunately this routine repeats itself every 2ish hours. If the doctor says the baby should be fed every two hours that means two hours from the time the baby STARTED eating. If you start at 1:00 and the routine takes and hour (which it could), you will be up again at 3:00 doing it over again. Bad news...babies suck at the routine during the first month or so. They horse around (usually at eating) and don't get to business. After about 6 weeks, Branee will get it...up...eat...change...bed. Regarding the feed the baby every X hours advice, sometimes I know more than doctors. NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING BABY!!! If X hours have passed and Branee is asleep, let her sleep. She will eventually wake up and get fed.
* Variation to the nightly routine...baby cries...change diaper...feed baby...baby poops up the back...change baby again...finish feeding...burp...back to bed.

I am rambling. The first few weeks are so hard for a few basic reasons. You are doing the most important job IN THE WORLD with no training. So, naturally, you will focus on doing this job well. You will be tired. Here is the thing that screws it all up...LIFE KEEPS GOING ON. Clothes need to be laundered, food needs to be purchased and prepared, bills need to be paid, dogs need to be fed/walked, etc, etc. Brad can't do all of that stuff because he (Brad, are you listening?) will be actively involved in week one (two, three, four...) child rearing. Having said all of this, it can be done, but you can see now why it is hell. Get out into the world quickly. Take her to the grocery store. Expose her early to the joys of Target. It will make you feel human. After a few weeks you will get your act together, and life will become seamless again. You will quickly forget what life was like without Branee.

Huh...Budget?

I was recently asked about what kind of budget we had for our children when they were newborn. I'm not really abudget kind of person. I buy what I need when I need it...if I can afford it. The kid supplies ALWAYS come first. I can't exactly run out and but some new shorts when the baby needed diapers. Thanks to the miracle of Quicken, however, I was able to go back and review my "baby supplies" category for the first year of Louis's life. Ready? Nearly $900 for one year. That number is probably higher depending on how meticulous I was at that moment. Louis always wore Pampers (more on that later) and was on formula from about 6 weeks old. Other items were filtered into the "baby supplies" category like clothes, strollers, car seats, etc. I don't think the prices have changed much in 3 years...diapers are about $18.00/jumbo package and formula was about $15.00 a can.

Diapers. I am a firm believer in Pampers...straight-up in the greenish package. They are not the cheapest but they are the best. You can try Luvs. I reject them for two reasons...one...when they get over full (like during the night) they release little silicone (??) pee filled balls. You will ask, "What the heck is all this snow in the diaper?" Reason 2...they can't spell. As an English teacher I must boycott companies that willfully misspell their product. Coupons are plentiful to offset any overage in the cost of Pampers. Check out their wesite (www.pampers.com) & sign-up as a new mother. You will get TONS of coupons in the mail (and no crap on your email account). The counterpart to diapers are wipes. I use huggies scented. They are the juiciest...and believe me, when you are cleaning up a massive, up-the-back poop, you will want lots of juice. Coupons are also available for these guys (check you Sunday paper). The last component of the diapering trifecta is poop bags. You can buy a fancy, expensive poop eating machine (like Diaper Genie). Every new mother takes this route. The bad new is that THEY STINK. No matter which make or model, when you trap poop inside a plastic garbage can, IT STINKS. Poop bags are the solution. The are light blue, baby powder scented, handle tie thingys. They are cheap (about 2 bucks for 50). Just drop the poopy diaper in the bag, tie it up and...VOILA...poop stink is gone. You have been in my house in the presence of old poopy diapers. Did it stink? Well, don't answer that. Any stink is FAR inferior to the Diaper Genie contraption (not to mention easy on your "budget").

Gotta do mom stuff...a bientot!

Let the Debate Begin!!

Congratulations on making it to the first MAJOR landmark of your pregnancy...the gender ultrasound. (there are only two landmarks...gender untrasound and birth). Yah, yah, there are really some important diagnostics that also take place (development, for example), but what really counts is the BOY? GIRL? question. So...it's a girl. Now the debate can begin. That's the GREAT NAME DEBATE. Although it might be common belief that the mother really has the final say on the baby's name, it does not always happen that way. Have you met Louis? He should have been Erik...or even Lewis. Naming your baby is the first difficult child raising decision that you'll have to make (the second will probably involve ear piercing or something REALLY important like that). The name you give this child will stick FOREVER (let forever echo in your head). This is a job you can't afford to screw up. You lucked out with a girl. One of the two important baby naming rules is now a non-issue. The rules: no fake name (made-up names) and no "get your butt kicked on the playground" names. Girls generally don't get their butts kicked on the playground so focus on the no fake names rule. Under the heading of fake names you will find...state/city names, acronyms, combo names (like Branee), animal names (ok...I did like Fox), double names (John Johnsen), dog names, and product names. For purposes of uniqueness avoid names that end in Y (Brittan-Y). One thing you might as well get over now...and it will be disappointing...no matter how hard you try to come up with a normal yet uncommon name, there WILL be one in little Freddy's kindergarten class. Take Louis for example. NO ONE is named Louis anymore...that's what we thought. I met a woman the other day with a 3 year old son named LOUIS. ARGH!!!!!

Keep a list of names you like (a secret list). Names will come to you at the strangest times...while you're sleeping, in line at the grocery store, while doing yoga, wile cooking. Write them down. We likes Louis early on...and then forgot it. We could NOT remember THE name we both liked. Pathetic, huh? You don't have to decide until little Freddy pops out (no it won't be that easy...the popping I mean). Somehow you will just know her name.

The final bit of advice regarding names...DO NOT TELL ANYONE YOUR NAME CHOICE UNTIL AFTER THE BIRTH!!! Except me :-) I am not kidding. Even your closest, dearest friend will steal it...for a kid, a dog, a plant. It will be used, and Freddy can't have a used name.

OK, practice this, you and Brad together. Step one: smile. Step two: nod. Step three: say "that's a nice name." This is what you do when someone suggests a name to you. In your head you can be thinking, "that's the dumbest f'ing name I've ever heard!!!" but keep it to yourself.

So, seriously, what'd you think of Branee?